The Musclecturer

Hello everyone

Have you all quite recovered from holiday celebrations? Looking forward to 2012?

In the last blog, we looked at perspectives on the self and how advertisers target emotional security issues in consumers.

In this blog we are going to look at self-worth and how advertisers sell reassurances of our self-worth. What is self-worth? How is it measured? How do you measure yours?

Self-worth is linked or equated with self esteem, self love (not necessarily narcissistic), self regard, self respect, self integrity. It would, therefore, depend very much on the context in which the the term is used.

Perhaps you measure your self worth by how spiritual you are (or think you are), or the abundance of your material possessions (not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing). Or it could be in your job, the position you hold within your company and the job title that goes with it (by the way, the Christian religion [esp] with its hierarchies can be included here). Or it could be linked with how you are seen in your social circles, peer groups, and communities. Or yet, it could be linked to biological imperatives to perform, reproduce, bear children and the consequences for our own self esteem (or self-worth) if we are unable to, either temporarily or permanently.

These are just a few ways we see ourselves. There are positive/negative, right/wrong, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable views of self worth (and all the gradations between these binaries). How then do advertisers tap into this aspect of our lives? And how do they tap into self-gratification, another hidden need related to self-worth?

A cursory glance at advertisements for anti-bacterial products which have increased since SARMS that are particularly targeted at women, whether they are housewives, career women, single parents, etc., would seem to provide reassurances as to their efficacy. However, I see a subtext here and it is this: mothers, you owe it yourselves and to your families to protect them from danger and harm. And who would want to argue with that? However, is there a flipside? I think so. The flipside of this subtext is: if you are not using anti-bacterial products in your home you are a bad mother. By the way, just a thought: can viruses die in the biological sense of the word, or are they simply rendered inactive and made dormant? This is not my area so I would not want to embarrass myself with my ignorance of scientific advances in microbiology. That is, if any have been made in this area.

Another example. Whenever I visit the US I do love to watch TV, particularly the adverts. I am always amazed at the sheer amount of medical health adverts, not so much for insurance, but for medicines and other pharmaceutical products. What I am particularly amused by is the reinforcement of the doctor/physician’s role as ‘the all powerful healer’ (Vance Packard: The Hidden Persuaders, 1981) as if to reassure health professionals that they are not just pill-dispensers, and they are not being de-skilled and will therefore not lose respect from their colleagues or those they serve (unlike – dare I say it? – teachers) and thus confirm their place in our minds as authorities to be recknoned with.

Which leads me to ask: apart from government-sponsored teacher recruitment campaigns, and Hollywoodised feel-good movies such as Knights of the South Bronx, Coach Carter, and Freedom Writers, has anyone seen adverts or programmes that elevate the teacher’s status rather than berate it? Can the advertising industry do anything about this? What about award ceremonies, including the yearly Honours List? It must be said that the Queen’s Honours List does include teachers who are the best in their fields. I have, in the past, found UK comedy dramas such as Teachers (aired on Channel 4 from 2001-2004) uncomfortable viewing, perhaps it hits close to home, and shows society that we are not just professionals; we are VERY HUMAN professionals operating in very chaotic situations. The recently aired Educating Essex series (also on Channel 4) looks interesting and I will have a look at that at some point.

So, whatever your status in life, how do you measure your own self-worth? And what adverts do you identify with that provide reassurances that you are all man, good mothers, good grandparents (I’ve yet to tackle this one in a future blog in this series).

In my next blog, we will look at how advertisers sell creative outlets for women (esp). I might even see if I can tie in gender roles into this one!

Peace…I AM The Musclecturer

Hi everyone

I start this blog by referring to something I mentioned in my last blog. It would appear that our sense of self is somehow related to the type of societies we live in. Most Western societies, as well as Japan are highly masculine, while Scandinavian societies tend to be highly feminine (Mercado, et al, 2003). Our sense of self is – largely – socially constructed in the home, school, workplace, and the wider society.

What are the markers of a masculine society? Mercado, et al, identified these as follows: rigid gender roles, assertiveness, competition, performance outcomes, materialism, reward-based systems, strong leadership, decisiveness and meritocracy. Feminine societies are more family friendly, and place a strong emphasis on gender quality, co-operation, compromise, and quality of life.

This series will deal with the self and personality within the marketing context, particularly in the area of consumer psychology. While I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I do have some understanding of the subject area, having studied and taught it in the areas of business management and marketing, media and user interface design. We will look at perspectives on the self, gender roles, body image and personality (including brand personality). This blog will discuss perspectives on the self, though not in great detail.

What is the self? Does it exist? The most influential philosophy related to the self is Descartes’ I think, therefore I am. The concept of self varies according to context. As a former theologian, my understanding of self is linked with the soul which consists of the emotions, mind and will. Indeed a wise man before Descartes asserted, ‘as a man thinks in his heart, that is what he is’. As with psychology, the mind is further divided into conscious (aware), sub-conscious (also termed unconscious) and super-conscious (collective/infinite conscious) mind. Perhaps it would be oversimplistic to relate these parts to Freud’s tri-partite structural model of the psychic apparatus, namely the id, ego and super-ego. Our hidden needs and desires are buried deep within the unconscious and for those of us who are involved in or have interests in personal development, we are learning that the unconscious is the driver behind our conscious behaviour and may, depending upon our socialisation, house thoughts and feelings of fear, guilt, anger, hate, aggression as negative emotions, or courage, empowerment, affirmation as positive emotions and processes. Further to this, we are also learning that there are different perspectives on the self, including the real self (which relates to the realistic appraisal of the qualities we have or don’t have), and the ideal self (which is what we would like to be; is reinforced by role models, heroes/superheroes, cultures/sub-cultures, etc; and which is often included in counselling/coaching/NLP programmes).

Vance Packard, in his classic book The Hidden Persuaders, identified eight hidden needs that we as consumers have. I will look at each one of these in turn, starting with how advertisers sell (and we buy into) emotional security. In the 50s when home appliances were just becoming part of many Western homes, research uncovered that emotional security (freedom from fear and anxiety, peace of mind) was attained by having a lot of food in the refrigerator. Does this still resonate with a lot of us today, regardless of whether we are single, living with someone, or are part of a larger family unit? With food prices continually going up, we are shopping for bargains so we can get more for our money and thus fill our fridges and cupboards or larders. On the other hand we waste so much food because we focus on arbitrarily (?) set sell-by and use-by dates.

The UK is the most watched nation on the planet. We are constantly ‘assured’ that wherever CCTV is in operation, that these are for our safety and security. We are all bombarded with images, news, personal circumstances, and so on, that engender feelings of fear, anxiety and guilt in us. Advertisers capitalise on this by selling us products to promote peace of mind, such as security alarms, insurance (a product I will address in a later blog), and identity theft protection. Scammers intent on stealing our identities also home in on our fears and offer the more IT-illiterate/phobic among us ‘solutions’ that are maliciously designed to steal our personal information.

In societies where competition, performance outcomes and materialism are valued, we may have anxieties about how others perceive us, or how we are performing (whatever that performance anxiety may include), and we therefore buy products that enhance or hide our self image and anxieties, or to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. We also consume media programmes that tend to reinforce our self image and we shy away from or complain about programmes that are ‘incompatible’ with our self image. We are also sold products to help reduce our anxieties about being accepted within our peer groups and the wider society.

Despite our beliefs that we are rational creatures, research seems to indicate that as consumers we make our purchases/consume media based on how we feel about a product and its’ brand, and then seek to justify our purchases with logic, particularly if we are feeling some kind of remorse about our purchases (known as cognitive dissonance) because we may have spent a significant amount of money, for example. Business-to-business marketing is different because, there are gatekeepers (secretaries and personal assistants, for example) and the key decision-makers or fund holders and these decision-makers have to engage rational decision-making processes rather than buy on impulse.

So, let’s ask some questions: how do you see yourself? How do others see you? How far is your real, or indeed your ‘undesired’ self, from your ideal self? Do your buying decisions stem from fear, guilt and anxiety about your self image? Do your purchases bring the emotional security you seek?

In the next blog, we will look at self-worth and how advertisers sell reassurance of our self-worth.

Sources:

Peace! I AM…The Musclecturer

Hi everyone

This blog is probably going to sound more like a rambling rant. For some events,  I am unable to put my finger on dates, times, sources, so I will be, in essence, merely expressing an opinion, and specific details will be rather fuzzy. Nevertheless, I do hope that each reader will get something out of my ramblings.

Over the years, starting with the mid to late 1990s, I have noticed in this country how the way we communicate with each other through the voice is changing. Let me give an example. I remember being at London Bridge train station in the late 90s/early 21st century, when I heard a female voice providing train information. While I recalled the fact that the use of the female voice was to inform as the male voice was to instruct, it was not this that intrigued me. It was the way she made the announcement, as if she were reading an auto-cue. As far as I can recall it was the first time I had become aware of it.

Another example. Many years ago, there was an article in a UK newspaper about children speaking like Aussies as a result of watching Australian soaps. There is also an increase in the UK media of very strong London accents and what is termed ‘estuary English’ (which includes Essex), and which have spread, whether by migration or diffusion through electronic media, throughout the UK.

My rant is not about accents, although we are obsessed with them in this country because we are, to some extent, still obsessed with class. Having been a former fan of Australian soaps and having lived in London for more than ten years as well as abroad, I will say things like, ‘no worries’ (from Australia), ‘ah so’ (from Jamaica and Germany), and when I open my mouth to speak people either say (because I already look it), that I am American or they will question where my accent is from because they simply cannot place it.

My concern is that we are being programmed to respond in certain ways and our participation in this manipulation (termed ‘partipulation’ by media theorists) – whether this manipulation is intentional or not – is changing the way we view ourselves as  individuals and as a society in general, for better or worse. A term we may or may not be familiar with is ‘media determinism’, a subset of technological determinism. This view basically says that media changes society in such a way as to be irreversible (?) Complex sceanrios aside, it would appear that regardless of gender or personality type or sexual orientation, that we are being collectively programmed to respond in particular ways.

It would appear that how we see ourselves and, therefore, how we communicate with ourselves and others is directly related to the type of society in which we live. Geert Hofstede identified four dimensions of national cultures, namely power distance, uncertainty avoidance, individualism-collectivism and masculinity-femininity. Using this framework, Simon Mercado, Richard Welford and Kate Prescott were able to identify groupings of EU member states ‘in terms of their broad social and work-related values’, and made comparisons with the USA and Japan.  Taking the masculinity-femininity pairing, for example, they identified the following states as masculine: UK, Germany, Austria, Ireland, Italy and Greece. Scandinavian countries which tend to be more family-friendly, were identified as feminine.

For reference, Mercado, et al., defined the characteristics of masculine societies as including: materialism, aggresssion, competition, performance outcomes, decisiveness, assertiveness (as opposed to aggression) and reward-based systems. Feminine societies promote co-operation, relationships, compromise and focus on quality of life rather than outcomes.

Taking the UK as my example, I have looked at how various systems support the masculine infrastructure. Education, despite being overwhelmingly female in its workforce, still has to adhere to performance outcomes – at the possible expense of learning. As far as I am aware, the UK is the world’s largest producer and exporter of reality TV programmes which include many competition programmes that have been adapted for local markets. Even our children’s programmes are saturated with militarised approaches to problem-solving and the characters in many cartoons are using military-speak. Justice is portrayed as a woman, yet the legal system is overwhelmingly male. Our society has also become increasingly aggressive in the way we deal with criminals and we are confusing justice with revenge.

Something that has hit me more recently is the way medicine, psychology, psychiatry, law of attraction models, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and other such models, all seem to feed into masculine cultures, not just the UK, but also the USA, and other EU member states (and possibly Japan). For instance, being successful (a marker of masculine society) in relationships, career,  sport, depends on how we see ourselves, how we engage in intra-communication (self talk) as well as intercommunication with others and we are taught how to manipulate and intimidate others in order to control them, control being another marker of masculine society. When we meet people for the first time, one of the first questions we ask is ‘what do you do?’ because our identities are directly linked with our work and what we do is generally seen as valuable and productive.

Unsurprisingly, the UK scored very highly on the individualism index and we became an even more individualistic society during the Thatcher years. Individualism here includes self-interest, self actualisation, and the expression of personal opinions. We are very similar to the US in that we encourage entrepreneurship and we frown upon anyone who does not adhere to a strong (Protestant) work ethic.

I have started off this blog by talking about how the way we speak is changing and I seem to have gone off on a tangent. Hear me out. Remember what I said about how the societies we have grown up in tend to shape our experiences, values and self image. Many years ago, I came across a book called The Magnetic Personality. I believe this book was written about the same time as books such as Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. Looks like it is out of print too. I learnt many things from it, as from Hill’s book. One thing that has stuck with me from the book and that I have noticed is that in order to be successful, the pitch of your voice is very important. Let me ask you: which do you find annoying/a turn off – a deep, husky, controlled voice or a high, squeaky, frenzied one?

And here is where the rant really begins. I leave it up to you to make the links between what I am saying with your own experiences and observations. I am seeing a lot of reality TV shows hosted by people (male and female) with high pitched voices. I personally find them a turn off and, unless I am really interested in the show, I will generally switch to another channel. I refer you to my previous note about accents. I would much rather watch a reality TV show with no commentary, and where the participants provided the narrative instead of the auto-cue type reported style of the hosts who don’t really need to be there, unless they are subject/topic experts. Even many of the adverts are off-putting. Mind you, there are some adverts that come across as aggressive and include the deep, husky, controlled voices that I also find off-putting. Perhaps that is because I know the companies are attempting to come across that way. I am also finding action movies accompanied by deep male voices increasingly amusing, although I do grant you, would it be possible to market such movies using a very fitting (however that is defined) female vocal?

Notable differences that I find appealing? M&S food adverts accompanied by a husky, sensual female voice-over. Remember those? I am a big fan of M&S and even had a store card with them at one time. Perhaps this is my bias showing up here. Who knows?

It must be noted that I am making a clear distinction between reality TV shows and fictional drama where some actors/actresses have high pitched voices by nature or built into their characters.

I will end this blog by asking the question: how many of you have had to learn to lower your voices in order to get on in a masculine society? Whether or not you had vocal coaching, or were manipulated by your friends, partners, work colleagues, media, etc., into changing the way you spoke whether or not it was an issue? Was it for you a case of monkey see, monkey do?

Peace! I AM…The Musclecturer

Source cited: Mercado, S., Welford, R., and Prescott, K. (2001). European Business, 4th Education. Essex: Pearson Education.

Hi everyone

The subject of masculinity and its pervasiveness within gay culture, particularly in cyberspace, has been looming large in my mind for several months now. Many online profiles on sites such as Hardbuddies, Manhunt, Bigmuscle, Manjam, Recon, and so on, include the abbreviation ‘masc’ for masculine and within their communications describe themselves as ‘all man’ or ‘very masculine’. It is as if there is a phobia amongst gay men of any and all things feminine, though it must be said that in some of the communications I have had with gay men online, many are impressed with the combination of brain (esp.[?], right-brain) and brawn. Whether or not they would agree that embracing attributes such as wisdom and knowledge, imagination and creativity, gentleness, etc., as feminine qualities admired by both men and women alike, is another matter. It appears that gay men, in seeking to define themselves are doing it by saying what they are not and, in so doing, are suppressing the feminine principle in pursuit of homosexual and homosocial activities. Somewhat similar to the legalistic religious crowd which seeks to define itself by what it does not do and, in so doing, loses out on that all-important quality – love.

A fairly recent communication from a black man on a very popular gay website got me thinking when I read it:

i do know a white guy in (name of city excluded by author) that fits what your looking for.. hes tall hung 12 inch dick body builder hairy.. hes a doctor.. hes handsome.. hes 50 and is all man.. very masculine..

I had politely wished him well before I had received this message. I am not passing judgment here as to whether or not this person meant well or was simply being sarcastic because he had been rejected by an effeminate (sic) Englishman. This is, however, somewhat typical behaviour from black gay men, as well as other men who find themselves metaphorically locked out because my requirements of what I want in a partner are very specific. In fact, one person from the same site sent an unsolicited message with the words: “Get a real life you superficial queen!”

The fact that both these men preferred the passive sexual role had not escaped my notice.

Boyd and Ellison (2007) suggest the importance of conducting more research of the processes of information management, self-presentation and friendship performance on social networking sites. This may very well be something I would be interested in doing for a project/case study as I do have interests in computer-mediated communication and I’d like to research how gay men use these processes to communicate with others online. The issue of masculinity would certainly be addressed within self-presentation through texts and audio-visual material.

In my current research, I am indeed examining how we as gay and bisexual men perceive ourselves and our masculinity and my general observations, as well as initial conclusions at this point, would include the following:

• masculinity as well as femininity or effeminacy are learned behaviours (I was in a relationship that lasted five years where every manifestation of effeminacy was pointed out and had to be suppressed; though it does come out occasionally, especially when I am teaching);
• our fear of effeminacy may very well be internalised homophobia in that we are not only internalising the homophobia we experience from the heterosexual community, we are also afraid of anything or anyone who behaves in an effeminate way or adopts feminine principles in their living;
• the pre-occupation for some with the sport of bodybuilding could be seen as a defence against effeminacy, which defence being the result of internalised homophobia; which does not guarantee that the fortress of muscle we have built around ourselves will hide our effeminacy. Do they still use the term ‘Muscle Mary’ nowadays? lol;
• for those of us who are insistent that we are ‘all man’, I’d say that as gay and bisexual men we are still working this out…what an opportunity!

I have dated and befriended masculine types, feminine types, and in-between types and am very comfortable with such. Not to mention drag queens, and apart from Dr Stephen Whittle, I am not aware of meeting with a transexual. I have also learnt over the years to embrace my feminine side so I can move forward to being a more complete human being. I usually know I have achieved this harmonious state when my dreams confirm it. Guys when you dream of heaving sex with a woman, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are fulfilling some fantasy, although for some it may very well be, especially if you know who the woman is

Peace…The Musclecturer

Reference

boyd, d. m., & Ellison, N. B. (2007). Social network sites: Definition, history, and scholarship. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 13(1), article 11. http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol13/issue1/boyd.ellison.html (accessed 11 July, 2011)

Hello world!

It’s been a very busy time for me as I have been successfully meeting my goals. I recently qualified as a Personal Trainer with the International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA) and as an NLP Practitioner with the American University of NLP (AUNLP). I have also just completed the Foundation portion of my Certified Internet Webmaster (CIW) course and there are two more sections to go. The next  project to complete will be the essays for my MA in Queer Studies which I aim to finish by the autumn.

I was given the idea to write this blog entry by someone who contacted me on a popular gay dating site with the following question (and I am paraphrasing):

You are an INFP personality, concerned with feelings and sensitivity. How do you reconcile that with competing?

Here’s my response:

Maybe there is no right or wrong answer for this because each of us is different even if we share common characteristics, as with this personality type. For me, I’ve competed in group sports and athletics during my high school days so it’s not a big deal doing it now. Besides, I have always been goal oriented. For bodybuilding, it is about being the best I can be. Winning the 1st place trophy would be the icing on the cake. I would also be able to appreciate the efforts of the others I was up against.

For your starting point, you need to ask yourself: why am I doing this? Who is it for? Is it for you so you can feel better about yourself, for example? Is it to get the admiration of others – and are you comfortable with that? Is it to compete, and would you be prepared to be judged for all your hard work by a group of 3 to 6 people who may know nothing about you? Or is it to attract a mate or a fuck buddy?

I would need to add here that I have been used to being on stage since childhood, so when it came time to do my first bodybuilding contest, I just took it in my stride, though I must say, I found it very tiring.

Since INFPs are also concerned with seeking meaning in their own lives we do tend to keep asking ourselves ‘why?’ However, if we are not careful, we will tend to over-analyse our motives to the point of paralysis because we want everything to be just right.   Perfectionism can be a hindrance rather than a help in achieving our goals.

What do you think?

Peace…the Musclecturer

Hello everyone

This post is a review I wrote as part of my developing writing practice within my post-graduate studies at Birmingham City University. The works I am writing about were presented by staff at the Institute.

Lost Horizons at the ARTicle Gallery, Birmingham Institute of Art and Design

24 – 28 January 2011

I will start this review with a direct quote from an online conversation I had recently with an American painter, Frank J Boros, who will be showing his work this spring in Paris:

“Most certainly art and [for] that matter most things are a personal interpretation and subjective for it is through ones eyes, ears, smell, taste that one experiences the world. What are the tasks of the artist[?] I do believe is to be truthful first and foremost to himself and thus allowing his truth, his self to be seen in the world. It is NOT about what others say it is about what and who you are with your work.”

As I stood gazing at these images, I struggled to find elements that were common. For me, a mere layman with no frame of reference for this kind of work, even with the exhibition’s title ‘Lost Horizons‘, it was very difficult to understand the purpose, if any, of the work that was being displayed and to deconstruct, if one could do that, the various works on display. In addition, the works themselves had no labels. It was as if we’re not meant to interpret these works, and thus try to put them in a box, or an existing canon.

If Boros is right, is it therefore ‘right’ or ‘appropriate’ to even attempt to deconstruct these works? I did say to him that if Barthes is anyone to go by, everyone will approach an artist’s work differently or not at all. Nevertheless, as I tend to do as a layman, I am going to follow my gut and seek to describe and interpret the works in light of my own experiences.

Henry Rogers’ photographs are a combination of light and shade with a somewhat dreamlike quality where the images are fragmented, as is often the case when one wakes up from dreaming, and those images are sometimes lost with the approach of daylight. A couple of the photographs are shaped somewhat like broken glass which seems to emphasise the fragmented nature of these dreams. Or is this a dream that the artist has had and deliberately creates the fragments – the broken glass, the polka dot-like shapes, and other bits and bobs that seem to make no sense – in order to obscure the content of his dream, or indeed his memories?

Yvonne Hindle’s paintings are dripping with cosmic female sensuality, suggested to me by the oval/egg-shapes and circles, which for me, represent the world and the place of the sensuality within it, the square canvas standing out to show us the perfection and power of this sensuality. The black hole in one of the paintings in the cosmic scheme of things may very well be swallowing up this sensuality though only within the confines of a particular universe or otherwise universal experience. Nevertheless, it would appear to be the case that female sensuality is perfection, despite this lost horizon, and resistance is futile.

If Rogers’ work was perplexing, Jennifer Wright’s was even more so. In continuing with the dreamlike, cosmic connection, however, the oval shapes with coloured streaks is very reminiscent of TV shows such as Doctor Who and Quantum Leap, even Star Trek, where we are taken on journeys travelling faster at warp speeds to ‘go where no man has ever gone before’. Very much like an acid trip, or…her work seems to take us on a psychedelic journey into our minds where various worlds collide or compete for our drug-afflicted attention. From a Jungian perspective, these worlds appear to be different aspects of our subconscious, the combination – or collision – of the masculine and feminine principles, of inner universes, where the only place of refuge from the madness and chaos of it all seems to be the garden. But then I am faced with a totemic depiction of this collision and chaos as the eggs swarm around the phallus with crystal-clear intent, whatever that intent is.

To go back to what my online friend said, it is not what others say about a person’s work. The task of the artist is to remain true to him/her self. However, I find it difficult not to bring my own subjective experience with its values and beliefs and symbols to bear upon viewing a work of art. It is not as if I am robbing an artist of his/her moral right. I am a mere layman, and I say it like I ‘see’ it. As an afterthought, do forgive the attempts at setting up a framework and just going ahead and doing what I want, anyway…

By the way, if you do want to know more about Frank J Boros and his work, check out his website.

I AM…The Musclecturer

Hi all

I reckon I am an open book when it comes to the kind of person I am. No hidden agendas here, even if I consider myself to be quite complex. In recent years, I have become quite interested in personal development and self-improvement. I’ve made a lot of progress. Yes, there are a lot of areas in my life I am still working on.

In any case, this is what I’ve discovered so far:

• INFP Personality (healer temperament) – been teaching since the age of 12, no surprise here (Keirsey)
• Scored fairly equally on Honey and Mumford’s learning styles taxonomy – visual/auditory
• Leader personality type (BBC)
• I use both side of my brain to solve problems (BBC)

I found out about multiple intelligences by Thomas Armstrong earlier this year, and if I’ve read the result correctly, I scored highly on linguistic intelligence.

Have a wonderful week – wherever that begins for you!

Peace…I AM the Musclecturer

gay chat, online dating and social events

Hi everyone

This post is taken from my diary, which of late, has become a constant companion, as ‘someone’ I can turn to and express my deepest thoughts – if I dared to – and I would not be judged for these thoughts. Of course, I am not going to place the entire entry here! I have added some additional thoughts to the entry as additional musing.

20 October

Today I am really bugged about something that happened yesterday – for the third time, though in a different place. It was raining and I thought it would be good to take an umbrella with me, which I had left at home yesterday morning. As I returned to West Bromwich Bus Station on my way back to work, I spotted three men, obviously gay. One moved over to his friend and looked in my direction as he did so. When the bus arrived, I got on and went to the back of the bus, lower deck. These three guys almost rushed for the other side of that seat. They then proceeded to do something I can only refer to as ‘bullying by proxy’. They had created a scenario for ‘someone’ who was always dressed in black and had obviously bought all his clothes from a charity shop. Only partly true. I usually wore dark suits to work and this time I was wearing a black coat my mom had bought me, and it wasn’t from a charity shop.

They then proceeded to talk about celebrities they liked or didn’t like – I hadn’t responded or given any indication that I wanted to. I just stared out the window and smiled wearily, and puffed my cheeks to indicate how bored I was with the whole thing..

They then began talking about something more college-related – ‘functional skills’. Were they hoping I would at least say something about that? Hey, I don’t teach functional skills so I was not falling for that one either. The only time I spoke to one of them was when I was getting off the bus at my stop and he said sorry (for being in the way) and I’d said no worries. He had moved from sitting opposite me to sitting down beside me when an older Asian man had approached that part of the bus and wanted to sit down. I thought the older man looked somewhat bemused. Not sure what was going on there…

Yes, this had happened before – in Bromley with a group of college girls who seemed dead set on making me feel small and unimportant. At least I think that was the idea. They had started off by creating a scenario for someone (a girl) who didn’t seem to have any dress sense (I am paraphrasing now, as I cannot remember their exact words). I didn’t respond. The next time they saw me on the bus again, they talked about the lesbian girl who didn’t have any dress sense. I think I had passed then on the way to the bus stop earlier and they had laughed at me. Could be paranoia.

I have been rehearsing since yesterday what to say to these guys and I have decided to leave it and see if it happens again. Am I that intimidating or hapless that they cannot talk to me directly, that they have to create an imaginary friend to talk about?

Bullying has become rather sophisticated with this age group and I am not sure where they are learning these new tactics from, since I do not watch soaps or teen dramas. Maybe I need to. After all, I am teaching them and I have good rapport with them. This particular form uses what in psychology is known as ‘closure’, or a type of closure where the person being spoken about puts him/herself within the scenario being discussed, or (as in one case where I had to deal with a group of them within a class), the person automatically fills in the missing information. I am no psychologist, so if I am using the term incorrectly, let me know! Nonetheless, it means that those involved in the game do not need to take responsibility for their actions because, after all, “we are not talking about you”. What would be the equivalent in the animal kingdom?

My own understanding is that it is the energy I am generating that people are responding to, and the energy is very vibrant. It is taking a while for that understanding to really sink in, since for a long time I have taken this energy for granted.

It is also my understanding that a bully uses manipulation and intimidation to get what he/she wants, and bullying by proxy, or using closure tactics is cowardly.

Happy half term! (Yeah, I know it’s Saturday…)

The Musclecturer

I was watching the Andrew Marr Show this morning. David Simpson, joint leader of the union Unite (which represents British Airways cabin crew), was being interviewed. He was asked about ‘Twittering’ his followers during a private meeting with BA Chief Executive, Willie Walsh. He did not apologise for this. Instead, he called for public talks with BA in the full glare of the media.

Now, whatever one may think of Willie Walsh and his alleged tactics in dealing with the unions, and speaking in another context, David Simpson’s behaviour would have been challenged and his phone possibly confiscated were he in some classrooms. It is, furthermore, in poor taste and could very well have not done his union any favours.

Which leads me – somewhat obtusely – to the topic I wish to talk about. With the prolifertation of new technologies and associated applications, including Facebook, I think we have lost sight of how to behave appropriately when we are now accessible 24/7 because of these new technologies. It doesn’t matter now that some of us have lives outside of the virtual world. We are expected to always be available to others via instant messaging (e.g.) and are considered discourteous – whatever that means to them – when we do not instantly respond and are sometimes ‘flamed’ for it. In my experience with online communities, particularly gay ones, this is very common and after several years of interacting with others, I find users seem to fall into certain general categories. It would be interesting to see the research on this. Any takers?

The categories I find that exist (and others may feel free to add to these based on their own experiences) are:

• the purely visual: which generally applies to all men and also reinforces the stereotype that men do not read or feel, they go by what they see; picture collectors and voyeurs also fall into this category;
• the cyborg: usually European, very specifically German/Germanic, and needs to have information if that information is not explicit or clear. For example, ‘why am I not your type?’;
• the stalker: usually benign though infatuated with the object of his desire;
• the desperate: have probably been online for years and have not yet found their true love;
• the trophy collector: regardless of sexual role, is looking for a new (and, often, bigger) sex toy, or someone new to dominate.
• the horny one: when this person is online it is because he wants instant gratification.

These categories are not set in stone and each category may include one or more of the other categories, as well as cross cultural and national boundaries. However, many men are more intuitive, sensitive and more understanding of others’ needs. Others are becoming that way.

What do these categories have to do with Netiquette? Everything. It is about how we elect to behave online, whether or not we accept the consequences of our behaviour, or even know that most information, if not all of it, is recorded in the long term memory storage systems. Writing from personal experience, I have memberships with several gay online communities where I have profiles which include pics of myself and text which clearly describes (I would hope) what I am looking for. I get a lot of messages from guys who are usually under 30 who have clearly just looked at the pictures and decided to message me and not read the description until it is pointed out to them, or they are ‘given’ the opportunity to read it because I have not replied immediately. Or they have read the description and still fancied their chances at getting ‘to know (me) more’ (general meaning – ‘I want to have sex with you’). These men are generally not mature enough to handle rejection because they have either failed to do their research or neglected to read the profiles they are viewing, or both. Or they set their sights too high.

I mention the under 30s particularly, because this is the generation that has yet to be taught how to interact with others using the new technologies. The concept of Netiquette is as old as the Internet itself. Many of these guys would not have been born yet!

Netiquette is defined as:

a set of social conventions that facilitate interaction over networks, ranging from Usenet and mailing lists to blogs and forums.

and comes from two words, ‘network etiquette’.

With the increase in new technologies and applications, understandably, Netiquette is constantly in a state of flux and what is expected in terms of online behaviour varies with different communities. Nevetheless, there are socially unacceptable practices from the real world that are just as applicable in an online community. For example, insulting someone whose viewpoint you do not agree with (happens a lot on Facebook). There are implications, including legal implications, for inappropriate online behaviour and, thankfully, there are options available at many sites for dealing with this. People who engage in such behaviour face censure and, in some reported cases, being fired from their jobs.

Whatever we may think of the Victorian era and their appetite for etiquette books, it would appear that we need to be reminded from time to time how we ought to behave so that our online experiences are much more enjoyable and fulfilling. One book that comes to mind is John Morgan’s book, The Times Book of Modern Manners: A Guide Through the Minefield of Contemporary Etiquette. Unfortunately, John Morgan died the same year his book was published (2000).

There is also an article on the BBC website that still applies today. Check it out here.

Have a happy Bank Holiday weekend (UK), and a happy Memorial Day (US).

Peace…I am the Musclecturer